


A Farm for a Palace

by wyvernwolf



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 14:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17551445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernwolf/pseuds/wyvernwolf
Summary: Tilde never expected to end up where she did. But she's happy with her life even if Eggsy insists on saving every animal he comes across.





	A Farm for a Palace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eggsyobsessed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggsyobsessed/gifts).



> Inspired by Eggsyobsessed's reply to an [Ask on Tumblr](https://eggsyobsessed.tumblr.com/post/182298900157/whats-the-au-you-want-to-read-but-havent-found).

“Babe!” Eggsy called out, carefully cradling the bundle of blankets in his arms and using one foot to close the door behind him.

Tilde wandered out of the kitchen, apron and hair covered in flour and an enquiring look on her face. As soon as she saw Eggsy’s sheepish smile and the blankets in his arms she shook her head fondly and mock glared at him, putting floury hands on her hips.

“Oh, my Eggsy, what have we adopted now?” She sounded more amused than angry and once again Eggsy thanked every single god he had ever heard about for letting him share his life with this amazing woman.

Sometimes he still couldn’t believe this was his life. From estate boy with no future, to Kingsman agent saving the world, to meeting a beautiful princess and now this, happily married man to a beautiful and understanding wife and living a normal-ish life.

Tilde gently lifted the edge of the blanket, peered in and just like Eggsy knew she would, melted when a tiny black and white feline face looked back.

“Oh, Eggsy, it’s adorable. Oh-” Tilde pulled back when a small ginger face poked out, and gave Eggsy what he liked to call her imperious princess look. “There’s two of them?”

Eggsy shuffled his feet. “Uhh…”

Tilde’s eyes widened and she lifted the blanket higher. “Three?” Her voice went up a pitch and Eggsy winced.

“They were free?” He said weakly at her incredulous look.

“Eggsy! We have three dogs in the house. And two mice!”

“They were the last three left and no one was interested! Everyone was just walking past and I couldn’t leave them alone,” Eggsy protested. He carefully laid the blanket on the ground and unwrapped his precious cargo.

“Look at ‘em,” he said as three mewling little kittens spilled free. One was black with white splotches, the second was a bright ginger and the third was solid black. Eggsy thought they were all adorable.

“They’re weaned, not quite eating solid food but we can get kitten food. And we just gotta show them the litter tray and they should know what to do with it. And look, they’re so cute!” Eggsy spoke fast as he carefully lifted the black and white one and cradled it in close. It mewed in protest and sharp little claws dug into his hands.

Tilde had joined him on the floor and Eggsy quickly took the opportunity and placed all three kittens in her lap. They stumbled around in her lap and Tilde automatically curled her arms around them to stop them from falling off. There were high pitched meows in abundance until they suddenly decided that yes, this was acceptable and curled up in a small tangle of fur, tails and tiny ears and promptly went to sleep.

Eggsy shifted next to her and peered at the tiny bundle of cute.

“How could you say no to those faces?” He asked her plaintively.

“Eggsy,” Tilde said helplessly even as she curled her arms even closer around her precious cargo. “What about the dogs? And the mice? We have chickens and geese! Aren’t they natural prey for cats? And Emma! She’s more comfortable around animals than people!”

Eggsy wrapped his arm around his wife and burrowed his face into her soft blonde hair, snickering. “It’ll be fine, luv. We’ll keep this lot apart until the dogs get used to them. And I read on the internet that if you raise kittens with their normal prey animals, they don’t realise they’re prey. And Emma will be fine.”

Tilde pulled away slightly and gave him a raised eyebrow. “Oh, you read on the internet, did you? And when did you have time to do this research?”

“Uh, I googled it on the way home?”

“Hmm...” Thankfully, Tilde let it slide, turning her attention back to the kittens. The ginger one yawned, tiny pink tongue sticking out, and Eggsy knew that was the exact moment Tilde gave in.

He hid his grin in her hair and winced when she pinched him on the arm.

“I am wise to your ways, Eggsy Unwin, Kingsman agent and Prince Consort to the Princess of Sweden and you’re still as easy to read as a young boy.”

“Ah, ah, _former_ Kingsman agent and _former_ Prince Consort to the _former_ Princess of Sweden. I quit Kingsman, remember?” He smiled at her and dropped a fond kiss on her nose.

“Yes, just as I quit being a princess,” Tilde laughed at the kiss and gave him a proper kiss on the mouth.

Eggsy had his hands in his wife’s hair and was contemplating how to quickly get them both to the bedroom when a squeak from the vicinity of Tilde’s lap caught their attention and they both abruptly remembered they weren’t alone.

They broke apart with a shared laugh and looked down and laughed more when they were greeted by a trio of small kitten faces.

“To be continued later when we’re not in front of the children, my princess?” Eggsy asked and stood, gallantly offering his hand to help her stand.

She shook her head and gathered up her apron with the kittens bundled in the middle before taking his offered hand and standing gracefully. “I’m not a princess anymore, Eggsy.”

Eggsy leaned forward and kissed her again. “You’ll always be my princess.”

Tilde smiled and cupped his cheek. “And you’ll always be my prince.”

Their moment was broken this time by barks and a door banging open and closed. The sounds of boots being removed and the clatter of claws against stone floors could be heard.

“Eggsy! Tilde! We’re home!” A familiar brogue shouted and then a small beloved shape shot out of the kitchen heading straight for Eggsy and Tilde.

“Mamma! Pappa!”

With the ease of long practice, Eggsy intercepted his six year old daughter before she could collide into her mother and squash the kittens. He swung her up in his arms and proceeded to place kisses all over her face to the accompaniment of her giggles.

“What’s this then?” Merlin asked as he followed behind his granddaughter in all but blood and squinted suspiciously at Tilde’s bundled apron. He’d aged well, still tall and unbowed by age and since he’d joined Harry in retirement, where there had once been lines of stress across his face from keeping numerous agents alive, there were now laughter lines.

Tilde smiled at him, accepting his kiss of greeting and opened her apron slightly.

“Och, no,” he said when he saw her cargo. “Kittens? Don’t you have enough of a menagerie already.”

The high-pitched screech of “Kittens!” had them all wincing and Eggsy swung his daughter down so she could excitedly peer into her mother’s arm.

“Ah, ah, luv,” Eggsy gently pulled his daughter’s curious hands away. “You can’t touch them until we’ve had them checked by Doctor P,” he said referring to their vet. A lower lip stuck out in a pout and Eggsy quickly followed up with “Why don’t we get you cleaned up and have a snack while your mamma calls him? The sooner she calls him, the sooner he’ll come and check the kittens.”

A tiny brow furrowed. “And then I can play with them, Pappa?” Bright blue eyes just like her mother’s peered suspiciously up at Eggsy from under a mop of hair the same colour as his.

“Yes, and then you can play with them,” Eggsy smiled at her and was rewarded with a bright smile in return.

“Yeay!” She shouted, throwing herself back into Eggsy’s arms. “I want to name them!”

“And you will, my sweetling,” Tilde leaned forward and dropped a kiss on her daughter’s soft cheek. “But first, you must follow what your Pappa said.”

“Aye, and we have to feed the dogs. I believe you promised Flower some treats earlier did you not, Em?” Merlin chipped in and Eggsy gave him a grateful nod when Emma nodded agreement and wriggled out of Eggsy’s arms.

She took another quick longing peek at the kittens before turning and running to the kitchen with a shouted, “Let’s get treats for Flower, FarFar Merlin!”

“No running, my sweetling,” Tilde called after her and shook her head helplessly. “She takes after you, Eggsy. Always full of energy.”

“And she takes after you in looks, luv. Beautiful like a sunrise.”

“Please stop, the both of you,” Merlin groaned. “Married ten years and you both still behave like newlyweds. It’s sickening.” But his grin belied his grouchy words. There was a clatter from the kitchen and a shouted “Oopsie!” that had all three adults cringing and laughing at the same time.

Merlin shook his head. “I’d best check that your little princess isn’t overfeeding the dogs. And I believe you promised her a snack,” he reminded Eggsy.

“Right,” Eggsy nodded. “You’ll call Doctor P?” He asked Tilde on his way out and she nodded.

“Yes, yes. He’s already coming in to check the dogs. I’ll just tell him that we have kittens as well.”

“Thanks, luv!” Eggsy bounced out the door, much like his daughter, and Tilde shook her head fondly. Everyone had told her she’d regret it when she renounced the crown but Tilde didn’t regret it at all. She had seen how careworn her parents had been and maybe it was selfish, but she hadn’t wanted that for herself and Eggsy. It had been hard leaving the comforts and security of the palace, and she’d had to learn how to do a lot of things for herself but she had no regrets. How could she when she had such a family around her? Eggsy, their daughter Emma and surrogate parents in Michelle, Merlin and Harry. Tilde had never been more content.

Eggsy poked his head back around the corner. He was biting his lip and had a familiar look on his face. Tilde narrowed her eyes at him.

“Eggsy?”

“Uh, when you talk to Doctor P, you might also want to mention the pony.”

“Pony?” Tilde did not screech.

“It’s very cute?”

“Eggsy!”

“Uh, I think Em’s calling me!” He said and quickly disappeared.

Tilde blew out a frustrated breath and looked down at the meowing kittens still wrapped up in her apron. “Your father is very troublesome,” she told them seriously. They just meeped at her and tried to claw their way out.

Tilde tightened her hold on the apron and sighed. This was going to be a very interesting conversation with their vet.

\--

Eggsy was right. The pony was very cute.

Tilde stroked its soft nose as she fed it a piece of carrot.

Doctor P was on his way. He’d reacted to the news of the expansion to their family by laughing. After the times he’d shown up to be presented with three dogs instead of two, and then the foxes and birds, not to mention rabbits and mice _and_ pigs; three kittens and a pony didn’t phase him a single bit.

Thank god for Doctor P, Tilde thought to herself.

The pony snuffled her palm and then shoved its head into her other hand, looking for more treats. She pushed it away gently and started stroking behind its ear.

It really was adorable, all shaggy dark brown fur and big limpid eyes. Tilde had seen pictures of Shetland ponies before but never really realised how small they actually were. The tip of its ears barely came up to her armpit.

Eggsy’s loud laugh could be heard coming from the house along with Emma’s high pitched squeals and Tilde smiled to herself as she listened to the happy sounds of her two favourite people in the world.

Eggsy had been put to work keeping Emma occupied with the dogs so she wouldn’t see the pony until they decided what to do with it. Tilde rolled her eyes at her own naivety. Of course they were keeping it. Once Emma laid eyes on it, there’d be no hope of finding it a new home. It was why they’d moved out of their house in London to this small farm in Derbyshire after all. They’d needed the space for all the animals!

The chickens clucked from their coop and Tilde had to giggle when the goose honked as it wandered past as if to emphasise the point.

Somewhere out there were a number of foxes who’d lived thanks to her Eggsy. There was a blackbird that could fly again after having its injured wing mended and a one-eyed badger was once again trundling around in the countryside.

The rabbit hutch was currently empty but that was only because Eggsy was a huge softie and hadn’t been able to say no when Daisy had visited and asked if she could have one of the rabbits. Eggsy had given her two because he’d said one would be lonely without the other. Michelle had not been amused but she’d not been able to say no to both her son and daughter’s huge pleading eyes.

Tilde giggled as she remembered what happened after.

_“Maybe Harry would like a rabbit too?” Michelle suggested archly. Even after all these years, the relationship between Michelle and Harry was tenuous at best and they spent a lot of time needling the other._

_Harry’s gleeful laugh had abruptly cut off._

_“Excuse me?” He straightened and glared at Michelle._

_Michelle raised an eyebrow at him, “Well, seeing as how you just lost Mr Pickle The Third and all. I thought you might be lonely and need some company.”_

_“Oh, Uncle Harry, I’m sorry you’re still sad about Mr Pickle,” Daisy said and wrapped her arms around Harry’s neck. The girl was a teenager now, but she still adored her Uncle Harry who adored her right back._

_Harry patted her back, glaring at Michelle’s grinning face. “I’m fine, Darling girl. Don’t you worry about me.”_

_“FarFar Hawwy sad?” Emma asked, eyes wide. She scrunched her face up obviously thinking very hard and then nodded as if she’d come to a conclusion. Tilde watched, utterly charmed, as her daughter proved once again that she’d inherited her father’s big and generous heart._

_Emma toddled over to where Eggsy was still kneeling and holding the two remaining rabbits and leant trustingly against him. She whispered something in his ear and whatever she said cause Eggsy’s eyes to shine with pride._

_“Are you sure, baby girl?” He asked her and Emma nodded._

_Eggsy stood, careful not to drop the rabbits or dislodge his daughter from where she clung to his trousers and together they walked over to Harry._

_Harry watched in disbelief as Eggsy gently placed the two rabbits in his hands._

_“What, what is this?”_

_Eggsy smiled at him and picked his daughter up._

_“Emma wanted you to have them.”_

_Harry’s remaining eye widened comically and his mouth dropped open. Next to him, Merlin was hiding his laughter behind his palm whereas Michelle wasn’t bothering to hide her glee at all and was cackling out loud. Tilde herself had to bite her lip hard to stop from laughing. She’d never seen the normally adroit Harry Hart caught so unawares._

_“I don’t understand,” he said at last, holding the two rabbits like they were live grenades._

_“Emma wanted you to have them to you wouldn’t be lonely anymore,” Eggsy replied gently. In his arms, Emma nodded happily._

_“When I’m sad, I hold Flopsy and Mopsy and I’m not sad anymore. Now FarFar Hawwy can hold them and not be sad anymore,” she said and every adult in the room instantly pulled the aww face._

_Daisy nodded enthusiastically. “That’s a good idea, Em! See, Uncle Harry, you won’t be lonely anymore. Flopsy and Mopsy will keep you company.”_

_“Flopsy and Mopsy?” Harry said weakly._

_“Don’t you want them, FarFar Hawwy?” Emma sounded sad and above her, Eggsy was glaring daggers at Harry._

_“Harry wants them, Em,” Merlin reassured the girl, his voice shaking with repressed laughter. “I believe there’s something a gentleman has to say when he’s presented with such a generous gift?” He said pointedly to Harry as Emma’s bottom lip started to quiver._

_Harry awkwardly shifted the two rabbits into the crook of one arm and stood up. “Thank you very much, milady Emma. This is a priceless gift and I will treasure… Flopsy and Mopsy, always,” he said gravely and offered her a very deep bow and a kiss to her forehead._

_Emma and Daisy clapped their hands with glee and immediately started chattering about how they could all get together for bunny sleepovers. Tilde had no qualms that this would not happen. At four and sixteen respectively, Emma and Daisy had everyone around them wrapped neatly around their little fingers._

_Over their heads, Harry shot each of them a lethal glare which they all easily ignored, too busy laughing at his predicament._

Even now, the memory of Harry’s glare still made Tilde laugh. The man had loathed the rabbits but loved Emma and Daisy. The last time she’d visited Harry and Merlin’s shared home, Flopsy and Mopsy had been living the life of spoiled kings in a palatial rabbit hutch with home grown vegetables for very meal.

The pony wandered over to sniff at the cat holder currently holding the three sleeping kittens and Tilde walked over to the area that housed the pigs to check on them as she waited for Doctor P to arrive.

Peppa, Miss Piggy and Pumbaa were happily rooting around looking for food. They’d been piglets when Eggsy had seen them under a ‘Free. Makes Good Bacon’ sign and saved them. Now they were the size of large dogs and lived a life of luxury in the extensive pen that Eggsy had built for them. They were usually free to roam but with Merlin having just driven off and Doctor P expected, Tilde had herded them into their pen for safety.

Tilde leaned against the pen’s fence and let her thoughts wander.

Ten years they’d been married and nine years since she’d lost her parents to a terrible accident and been made Queen. Eight years since she’d first realised that this was not the life she wanted. And it was six years from when they’d discovered she was pregnant that she realised that she definitely couldn’t continue living that life. Tilde refused to go through a pregnancy in the fishbowl that was royal life nor did she want to raise her child under the scrutiny of the world.

So, she’d abdicated. And it had been the best decision of her life.

Eggsy supported her fully. He’d had already resigned from Kingsman in order to fulfil his role as her prince consort and whilst Tilde had battled through all the red-tape to free them, Eggsy had organised their move from Sweden to England.

They weren’t entirely free. The Royal Guards still kept an eye on them and Tilde knew that Kingsman did as well, but Tilde found she didn’t really care as long as they kept her distance.

Tilde was happy. Emma was growing like a weed and had never known any other life than this. She was free to do whatever she wanted, within reason, and she had a doting entourage of grandparents willing and eager to cater to her every whim. To her, being a princess was something you read about in books or saw in the movies and that was the way both Tilde and Eggsy wanted to keep it for now. When she was older they would explain, but for now, they were just Mamma, Pappa and Emma and their extended family of humans and animals.

“Tilde? Babe?”

Tilde turned and smiled as Eggsy walked up to her. She willingly went into his open arms and snuggled in, inhaling the comforting smells of home.

“You alright? I called you a few times, but you didn’t hear me,” Eggsy asked pulling away to stare worriedly into her face. “Em’s watching Shaun the Sheep with Flower, JB2 and Spot. I thought I’d come out to keep you company and tell you that Harry called. Merlin’s home and he forgot to ask us if we wanted to have dinner at theirs on Saturday.”

Tilde just leaned up to kiss him softly on the mouth.

Her Eggsy was the softest hearted person she had ever met. She was forever grateful that it was Eggsy who found and saved her in Valentine’s mountain.

“I’m fine, my love,” she said and nestled her head against his chest. “I was just thinking about how we reached here and how lucky I am.”

Eggsy kissed her head and hugged her tighter.

“How lucky _we_ are you mean,” he said.

Tilde nodded, enjoying the feel of his soft shirt on her cheek. “Yes, how lucky we are.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Tilde tentatively broached the subject she’d been thinking about for weeks.

“My love,” she said.

“Hmm?”

“About the animals that you keep bringing home.”

Eggsy pulled away. “I promise the kittens and the pony will be the last,” he said earnestly. With his hair tousled from the wind and way he’d widened his eyes, he looked exactly like Emma did when she was trying to convince her Mamma that she hadn’t let the pigs in the house.

“Oh, my husband, do not make promises you cannot keep. I know you want to mean it, but we all know that the next time you see another animal in need, you will be the first in line to save it.”

Eggsy looked slightly affronted. “I keep my promises,” he protested.

Tilde cupped his face and brought it closer to hers. “I know you do. Which is why I don’t want you to make this promise. You’re so softhearted, my love, it will break you if you have to leave an animal in pain and it will break my heart if you are forced to do that because of a silly promise you made.”

Eggsy opened his mouth and Tilde covered it with her hand before he could speak. “Listen to me, Eggsy. I’m not asking you not to bring the animals home. I’m asking you to bring the animals to Doctor P first to be checked over _before_ bringing them home.”

Eggsy looked puzzled.

Tilde smiled and caught hold of his hand. She pressed a kiss to it before bringing it down to her stomach and placing it there.

The puzzled look on Eggsy’s face changed to excitement as he realised what she was telling him.

“Really?” He whispered. “Tilde, luv, I’m going to be a Pappa again?”

Tilde nodded and laughed aloud when he picked her up and swung her around with a shout of joy.

He finally stopped when they were both dizzy and brought her close, kissing her long and sweet.

“Have I told you I love you today, wife?” He murmured against her lips.

Tilde smiled, feeling how Eggsy’s lips stretched into their own smile. “I love you too, my husband,” she replied and kissed him again.

 


End file.
